


To Makeup A Dwarf

by KatyThePlatypus



Category: The Hobbit (2012) RPF
Genre: F/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-13
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2017-12-08 10:09:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/760167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatyThePlatypus/pseuds/KatyThePlatypus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You've been a Make-up artist for years now and you've worked with some amazing actors on some amazing products. Now you're in New Zealand working on 'The Hobbit' and you've been landed with the charming Richard Armitage. Coffee in the morning, early starts and dwarves have never seemed so exciting before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Set

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I've been toying with for a while. Not quite sure how it'll turn out when it's written down but I want to give it a go. Sorry for the crap summary.

# How to Makeup a Dwarf

### Chapter 1 - Welcome to Set

_Welcome to Wellington. We thank you for flying with Air New Zealand. For those of you on holiday we hope you have a great time and we will see you soon. For those of you returning home, welcome back._  


The plane around you stirs to life as people begin to collect their bags. You have the window seat on the left hand side and have to wait patiently for the two people next to you to get their bags from the overhead lockers. “Plain black one with red string?” the young man next to you asks.  


“Yes, thank you.” You take it from him with a smile, swinging it onto your back. It takes a while for the plane to empty and you’re one of the last off. The joys of sitting at the back of the plane. You would have liked to have sat a little farther forwards, but your seat cost £1,150 and you didn’t have the money to upgrade. Still, at least it was comfortable. However nothing can compare to knowing that, after a gruelling thirty-hour flight, you won’t have to step foot on another plane for months. Until then, New Zealand is your new home.  


Passing through the terminal is fairly stress-free and you’re soon at the meet-and-greet. You would undoubtedly feel far more excited if your body clock wasn’t thrown completely out. Rather than 10:30AM your body is telling you it’s PM and that you really need to be getting to bed. Fran Walsh, who organised your journey over, was kind enough to assign a driver to you and several others who were arriving today. Now you just need to find him.  


A thousand boards greet your eyes. Some are hand-written and others printed. None stand out. Finally you see a board right at the back of the room with your last name on it. ‘Brooker’, ‘Brown’ and ‘Casotto’ are also written on the board. Your elbow your way through to find that four people are waiting for you. You confirm who you are and the driver introduces himself.  


“Ethan Daniels.” He holds out a tanned hand for you to shake. “I’ll be your driver over the next year or so.” He tall (about six foot) with messy dark hair and green eyes. “Anywhere you need to go I can take you. Don’t have a social life outside of taxi driving anyway.” He winks.  


“You’ll be sharing with us though, so be kind.” An aging man with thin, black hair smiles at you. “Valter Casotto.” He holds out his hand. “Pleasure to meet you. This is Don Brooker and Katherine Brown.”  


“Nice to meet you both.” You shake hands with the bald man and the ginger haired woman. All three look just as tired as you do. Ethan seems to notice this and gestures to the door.  


“Shall we be on our way then? It won’t take more than an hour to get where we need to be then we’ll check you into your hotel.”  


“I just want a cup of coffee and a long sleep.” Katherine sighs. “On set at eight tomorrow morning and that’s as late as it’s going to get.”  


“Who are we going to be working with?” Don asks as you follow Ethan to a waiting car.  


“We’re going to be told first thing tomorrow when we meet everyone.” Valter informs you all. “We’re senior artists so we’ll have a couple of ‘minors’ under our wing and a dwarf each.”  


“How many of us are there?”  


“Far too many to count.” Katherine laughs. “I asked for a number and I was just told ‘lots’.”  


“Whatever happens I hope it’s a challenge.” Valter states, climbing into the passenger seat of the Audi. “’Clash of the Titans’ and ‘Harry Potter was fun’, but this is ‘The _Hobbit_ ’. There’s dwarves, elves, orcs, wizards and, of course, hobbits. There’s going to be so much to do.” The rest of you nod your heads in agreement. You’re all experienced and you’re looking for a challenge.  


Katherine’s worked on several challenging films including ‘The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader’ and ‘Prince Caspian’. Don’s done slightly less challenging work in ‘Molokai’ and ‘Daybreakers’. He’s far more experienced in special effect. You yourself worked for the BBC for a few years. You’ve tended to Christopher Eccleston, Billie Piper and David Tennant on the set of ‘Doctor Who’, Tom Hiddleston on the set of ‘Thor’ and Johnny Depp on the set of ‘Alice in Wonderland’. You don’t care which cast member you end up with this time as long as they’re a challenge.  
“Right then, folks!” Ethan claps his hands and starts the engine. “Next stop; beds!”  


**  


Ethan picks you all up at seven thirty the following morning. Bleary-eyed but refreshed and excited the four of you pile into the car. “What’s Tom Hiddleston like?” Katherine askes. You’re wedged between her and Dom in the back. You’ve all got bags with sketch books and note books in and there isn’t much room as a result.  


“Just as charming as you think.” You say with a smile. “Brought me coffee most mornings and stole Thor’s hammer for me at one point.”  


“So an adorable pain in the ass then?” Katherine grins.  


“Essentially.” You laugh. “I’ve been told working with Martin Freeman can be fun.”  


“Glad I’m not the only one looking forwards to that.” Dom cuts in. “I imagine he’s been having lots of fun shaving his legs.”  


“Shaving?” Valter smirks. “Try having them waxed.”  


You don’t get to ask why he had his legs waxed as you roll through the gates into the production lot.  


It is _huge._  


There are at least five large buildings your immediate left and at least six to your left. On your left there are also dozens of trailers which will house the cast when they arrive in a few days time. “Okay, I’m starting to feel like a kid in a candy shop.” Katherine says, her nose pressed against the window of the Audi.  


You all feel the same. Every time you step onto a new set where a new job awaits you’re hit with anticipation, excitement and fear. You’re meeting amazing people in amazing circumstances and in all the excitement and rush of life on set you’re praying you don’t cock it up. “Stage K, ladies and gents.” Ethan parks alongside a large building on the left, as far away from the gates as possible. “I’ll be up there if you need me. If I’m not there find the local pub.” You all thank him and piling out, heading towards the large bunker.  


Inside there are at least sixty other people. There’s always a lot of people on set, but never this sheer number. Then again, you’ve never been on set where there are fifteen major characters, a dozen less major (but still extremely important) characters, two different species of villains and multiple animals. “Oh wow.” Dom breathes. “Where the hell do we start?”  


“Hell if I know.” Valter mutters. “C’mon, there’s a space to breathe over here.” the four of you make your way towards the middle of the room, wondering how long you’ll be expected to wait. The answer is ‘not long’. Ten minutes later and Peter Jackson’s stood on top of a large box, calling you all to attention.  


“Good morning and welcome to the set of The Hobbit!” there’s cheering and clapping and he takes a small bow. “Now, I know there are hundreds of you and it’s not going to get any better. You’ll have schedules of when to sleep, eat and breathe and you’ll all have assigned trailers. If you’re working with the animals can I ask you to stand to the far right please?” only a handful of people step aside. “Right. To all of you senior lot you’ll be lording over ‘minions’. We’ll split you into groups, kick you out, then give you your cast member which you’ll meet in three days. I ask that you treat them kindly and don’t scare them too much.” There’s snickering and some eye rolling. “When I’ve called your group if you’d just like to step outside and get to know each other that would be great.”  


It takes what feels like hours for the groups to be assigned. Dom is grouped with Noeline White, Dara Wakely and Elka Wardega. Valter gets Allie Rutherford and Matthew O’Toole. Katherine’s given Warren Smith and Claire Rutledge and you’re given Renee McCarthy, Georgia Lockhart-Adams, Cody Dysart and Richard Muller. You have the most ‘underlings’ and it worries you. After exchanging numbers with Don, Valter and Katherine you meet your new group. It turns out that this is the first film Renee and Cody have worked on. Georgia, like the majority of people on set, has worked on King Kong and Avatar. Richard’s done smaller films but he’s eager to get going.  


“I wonder who we’ll get.” Renee wonders aloud. She only looks twenty and has the most amazing purple hair you’ve ever seen.  


“Not Gandalf.” Georgia assures her. “Allie Rutherford worked on the three ‘Lord of the Rings’ films as Gandalf’s make-up artist. His group will be working with him most likely.”  


One of Peter Jackson’s assistants appears at Cody’s elbow, holding a stack of paper. “Your timetables.” He holds them out and leaves once you’ve taken them. You, along with the other four, stare at the name at the top of your paper.  


“Everyone else seeing this?” Renee asks, blue eyes wide.  


“Well, this will be fun.” Richard grins.  


_Richard Armitage – Thorin Oakenshield_ is scrawled at the top of your page. You can feel your phone vibrating in your pocket but you’re a little too shocked to answer it. It always throws you when you get the big characters. Your surprise isn’t as bad as when you found out you were working on Johnny Depp, but it’s still making you blink more than necessary.  


“Trailer six then people?” Cody asks. You motion for him to lead the way. You pass Katherine as you do and she whispers ‘Stephen Hunter’ at you. You tell her who you have and she grins, adding a ‘lucky’ as you move on.  


Whether you’re lucky or not remains to be seen. All you know is that the next year is going to be fun.


	2. Chapter 2

Over the next few days you meet with the head of Hair and Wigs, the head of Prosthetics and Peter Jackson to finalise the designs for Thorin. Richard will take charge of applying Thorin’s wig and the rest of you will do prosthetics.

You’ve all been moved out of your hotels to various caravan sites and lodgings in and around Wellington. You’re one of the lucky ones who have been placed in a site only a few minutes from set. Georgia, Renee and you decided to get together and upgrade to one of the bigger, more suitable lodges. A ‘Willerby New England Series 2’ to be exact. It’s a little on the large side but given that you were sleeping on the sofa in the original lodge you’re not complaining. Georgia and Renee were even kind enough to give you the en-suite shower. Renee, being the youngest, was landed with the two single beds rather than the double, not that she really minded. 

She and Cody are fast learners and they’ve soon gotten to grip with the workings of the set and the habits of the rest of you. They’re confident in their skills and are quite talented in both makeup and gossip. It’s through them that you hear the actors have started arriving and it’s also through them that you discover they’ve started filtering onto set. 

“It sucks that we don’t actually get to meet them until tomorrow.” Renee huffs. 

“But filming starts tomorrow.” You point out as you glance up from your notes. “That’s a plus.” 

“Yeah, but the downside to that is we’ve got to be here by five thirty.” 

Peter Jackson’s been kind enough to allow a seven thirty arrival to set each morning, providing all of the work is completed on time. Starting from tomorrow it’s a five thirty arrival. 

“She has a point. The welcoming ceremony isn’t until ten.” Cody flops down into the revolving chair, a mug of coffee in his hands. 

You sigh and lean back in your chair. “Did neither of you read the message?” the two glance guiltily at each other. You roll your eyes. “Ceremony starts at ten, ends at eleven or earlier. You’ve then got ten minutes to get coffee. The actors are then going to show up and we’re to get them ready. We have two hours to get their prosthetics, hair and makeup done. We don’t have time for delays tomorrow. It’s why you have to have everything ready. I’ll wait for Richard after the ceremony and bring him back here once he’s greeted everyone he needs to.” 

“So you get to play nanny?” 

“And you get to play makeup artist.” 

“Are you three bickering?” Georgia opens the door to the trailer, Rich following closely behind. In order to avoid the confusion that’s sure to ensue over the next few months of filming Richard Armitage will get priority over his name and Richard Muller will be ‘Rich’. 

“All set for tomorrow?” Rich asks, leaning over Cody to grab his bag. 

“Yup. If we work as planned then we should be done on time. Thorin won’t need as much work as Dwalin or Bombur.” 

“I imagine they’ll be quite fun.” Georgina shrugs. “We all clear to go?” 

You nod, closing your notebook and stuffing it into your bag. Anticipation is already beginning to settle in your stomach. This time tomorrow and the first makeover will be done and the countdown to the end will have begun. 

****

“Oh, I see Richard!” Katherine squeals the following morning. The two of you are stood with the rest of the crew in a large semicircle at the back of stage K. Peter, Andy and the main cast members are assembling at the front by the doors. Between the two groups are the members of the welcoming ceremony. 

“Aren’t you married?” you hiss. She laughs you off as the Powhiri welcoming ceremony begins. You don’t pay much attention, far too focussed on the actor less than a hundred feet away. You can see the reasoning behind Katherine’s excitement and you can’t deny the nervousness and excitement starting to build. You’re always terrified of messing up a project or making the person dislike you, but there’s also excitement. From what you’ve heard Richard’s a nice enough person and it’s not as though he’ll need much work doing. He even has a beard. 

“I feel sorry for Andy in that jump suit. I wonder if he feels stupid.” Andy and Martin Freeman are set to film as soon as Martin’s been transformed into Bilbo. In preparation Andy’s already dressed in his ‘Ping-Pong suit’. 

“Probably not as he’s being paid to wear it.” Your eyes are still fixated upon Richard’s face, along with the majority of the other women in the room. As the welcoming ceremony ends you decide that the cameras and the television really don’t do him justice. 

The cast members all take their seats, save for Richard who remains standing. He welcomes everyone in the room before beginning his ‘I’m happy to be here’ speech. You don ‘t hear the words, only hearing Katherine in your ear. “Can we swap? Please?” 

You smile and discreetly shake your head. “Nope.” 

“Humph.” Katherine huffs. She doesn’t stay quiet for long. “You should see the fat suit that Stephen’s got to get into each day.” Katherine whispers. “Poor guy’s going to spend ages in hair. Prosthetics will take forever too.” 

“I don’t envy you.” You smile. Richard sits back down and Martin Freeman gets to his feet, dressed in a pale blue suit. “I spent hours each morning completing Johnny Depp’s makeup for his role as ‘Hatter’.” 

Katherine returns your smile. “Providing he’s not going to make a fuss it should be okay.” 

“It’ll be fine.” You reassure her.” you turn your attention to the front where Martin and Any have swapped places. A moment later and Peter Jackson is welcoming everyone and letting you all get to work. “I’ll see you later.” You say to Katherine. “Have fun!” 

Katherine waves to you as you slip through the crowd of workers. The cast are already being swamped by other people. Valter somehow manages to get to Ian Mckellen and get him away from the group before you’re even close to Richard. You have to wait patiently for him to finish talking to Andy before you can get close enough to him to catch his attention. 

“Mister Armitage?” you ask politely, trying to stand a little taller to match his ridiculously tall frame. 

He looks down at you and smiles warmly. “Good Morning.” 

“Morning.” you reply, returning his smile. You quickly give him your name and explain who you are, ignoring the nerves. “Can I possibly kidnap you so we can begin?” 

“Be my guest.” Richard carefully moves Martin aside so he can squeeze past and comes to stand by your side. “Please, lead the way.” His baritone voice practically shakes the air around you now that he’s much closer and you have to pinch the palm of your hand to start your legs moving. Years on movie and television sets mean you’re far more agile than him and you quickly clear the crowd. You’re also not famous. Richard is one of the stars of the hobbit and his height makes it impossible for him to move unnoticed. You have to wait patiently, foot tapping, as he clears the crowd. “Sorry.” He smiles a little sheepishly. 

You wave him off. “Just walk quickly.” You head from the stage into the air, glancing up at him. “With legs that long it won’t be hard.” 

Your eyes widen as you realise how rude you sound and heat floods to your face. “Sorry, that was a little rude.” 

“Don’t worry too much about it.” Richard smiles. 

You manage to lead him to the trailer with no more embarrassing episodes and you’re extremely relieved to find that the others are waiting for you. You let them introduce themselves as you get the primary equipment ready and take a quick sip of coffee. “Shall we begin?” you prompt. “I really don’t want to come across as rude but do you have a more suitable top?” you motion to his shirt which is most likely to get ruined if he keeps it on. 

Richard nods. Renee, Georgia and you busy yourselves as he takes it off, revealing an older, black tank top underneath. Rich directs him to his seat and makes light conversation as he starts to sort his hair out. You can’t help but listen to the conversation along with the others. “You got your accommodation yet?” 

“Yeah, trailer twelve.” Richard’s laugh is deep and his whole body vibrates with the sound. “You’re better cared for than we are.” 

Rich shakes his head. “Only the girls. They have a posh chalet, Cody and I have a tin shed. I’d take your trailers over our shed any day.” 

“You can upgrade, you know.” Georgia points out. “We are getting paid for this.” 

“Yeah, but Cody here has a hobby for skydiving and doesn’t want to splash out. I’m not paying for the both of us.” 

“I have a sofa you’re welcome to sleep on.” Richard offers. “I’d give you the bed but I think I’m going to need it.” 

Rich quirks an eyebrow and opens his mouth to reply, but you beat him to it. “Let’s keep it PG, okay?” you smile. One of the first things you learn about Rich is that he’s not particularly clean-minded. 

“Besides, if anyone’s getting out of that shed it’s me!” Cody protests. “Rich snores like a thunder storm!” 

Richard smiles at the banter the wig is attached to his head. “I’ve been informed I have that habit too, so you may not want to take up the offer.” 

Cody rolls his eyes. “Men.” 

“So what are you?” you grin, getting to your feet to fetch the comb that Rich will need momentarily. 

“God-like.” 

You laugh and hand Rich the comb. You grab a pair of scissors from the worktop. “You mind?” you ask Richard, indicating that you need to trim his beard. He eyes you a little wearily before nodding. “Don’t worry, I won’t slit your throat.” You grin. Rich tilts Richard’s head back a little to that your job is a little easier. 

“Ever had a woman cut your beard before?” He asks with a smirk. 

Richard waits until you’ve removed the scissors before replying. “Never really had a beard before.” 

Trimming the facial hair only takes a few seconds as it’s relatively short already. Rich finishes with the wig a moment later, stepping back to allow the other three to see. “Very good.” Georgia grins. “Not scoot so we can get to work.” 

“You’re going to look a little redder than normal.” You apologise. “The cameras and lighting will make you look a strange colour otherwise.” Richard shrugs as he closes his eyes, allowing Renee to cover his lids in the first layer of foundation. 

“I’ll do a coffee run.” Rich offers. He takes everyone’s order as ducks from the trailer, taking Cody with him. 

Georgia smiles in their wake. “Strange boys.” 

“You haven’t met Aidan or Dean yet then?” Richard guesses. The three of you shake your heads and he chuckles. “I sat with Aidan on the plane on the way over. Entertaining to say the least.” 

He has to be quiet for a moment as you coat his lips in the desired colours. “What’s the first scene you’re shooting?” Georgia asks him once he’s free to talk. 

“Martin and Andy are filming today and then it’s the Bag End scene tomorrow.” Richard replies. “Today’s just a tester to make sure we all look okay.” 

“Well, you may look a little odd without wardrobe at the moment, but we’re sure you’ll look majestic.” Renee grins. “Have you seen your outfit yet?” 

Thorin nods. “And the padding that goes with it.” 

Cody and Rich return with the coffees, seating themselves at the end of the trailer whilst the three of you finish up. “Looking royal.” Cody grins. “That’s only an hour, too.”

“It’ll be longer tomorrow when we have more time.” You assure him. Peter’s set a specific time-frame for today. You’ll look far more dwarvish tomorrow.” 

“I think I look very dwarf like now.” Richard smiles. 

“Just trust us on this, okay?” You laugh. “Renee, can you run him over to wardrobe? I have some notes to make.” 

“Sure thing. C’mon!” She leads Richard from the trailer and you smile to yourself in his wake. The first encounter is done and gone, and it didn’t go too badly. 


	3. Chapter 3

The first five days are almost too hectic. You consume far too much coffee and nearly kill Cody at least twice. Richard, for his part, takes your short temper in his stride and greats you with a smile and a cup of coffee every morning. Don, Valter and Katherine also seem to be having a hard first few days. Its hectic as the cast need to be in nine places at once. Richard needs a full bout of makeup in the morning and touch-ups between every scene. He also needs wardrobe adjustments, training, feeding, resting and line runs. You take charge with the makeup, feed him while you work, force him to rest and try to run over his script with him but it just tires you out and makes you more grumpy. 

“Ever thought of hiring a personal assistant?” you ask at lunch on the sixth day. Once again he’s sat in the chair in the trailer and you’re practically forcing a sandwich down his throat as you touch up the upper half of his face. 

“I thought that’s what I had you for.” He grins. 

“Funny, but you won’t be saying that when I strangle you with this accursed wig. Seriously, couldn’t you just grow it and dye it?” 

“I did that with the beard and Renee moans at me about it every morning.” 

It’s amazing how quickly the two of you have fallen into a routine. With most people you’ve worked with it’s taken at least a week for you to feel comfortable enough around them to make jokes and small talk with them. Richard had you talking about your past and laughing at some of his (frankly awful) jokes by the second morning. You know snippets about his life that the die-hard fan probably doesn’t know. But then again, you can say the same about Tom Hiddleston, David Tennant and Christopher Eccleston. Maybe British men are just an open book. 

Cody suddenly comes bouncing in, all smiled and excitement. “There’s a Mr Whelan-Foran on the phone for you.” He holds the mobile out to Richard who looks at it quizzically. 

“How did he get your number?” 

“He called Peter who told me to call him back. Foran said something about ‘fangirls’ and ‘important’.” 

Richard takes the device with an apologetic smile in your direction and a thankful one in the direction of Cody. “Everything alright, Kirk?” 

You move to touch up the left side of his face, allowing him to use his right ear to talk to Foran. You blank out the conversation and send Cody for your fourth mug of coffee. You also send him in search of Georgia and Rich who went over to wardrobe an hour ago and still haven’t returned. Renee is helping Katherine with Stephen Hunter for the day as Warren called in sick. When you turn your attention back to Richard he’s hung up the phone and is watching you in the mirror. “Short conversation.” You smile as you get to work finishing his face. 

“Conversations about fangirls normally are.” He chuckles. “You made the right choice to say away from the acting profession.” 

“I haven’t exactly stayed away from it. I’ve just approached it from a different angle.” You set down the makeup brush and smile at him via the mirror. “That’s you done. Again. You’ve got twenty minutes until you’re needed back in Bag End.” 

The cast are currently finishing up the scene in Bilbo’s house. It should’ve been wrapped up yesterday but a fault with a camera put it back a few days. Tomorrow you all ship out to Hobbington to film the character’s arriving at Bilbo’s house. It’s going to be a crack of dawn start, something you’re not looking forwards to. “You free now?” 

You glance down at Richard as he stands up from the chair and nod. “Unless you suddenly multiple or the wind picks up. Please, God, let neither happen.” 

“Would there be something wrong with two of me?” He looks a little offended but his boyish grin breaks through and spoils the look. 

“Yeah, one of you is bad enough.” You usher him out of the trailer, locking up behind you. 

The majority of people are taking shelter inside at midday, attempting to escape the worst of the heat. Most actors tend to stay inside all the while they’re in their costumes. Some have up to five layers of prosthetics on. No one wants to be outside in the sun in extra layers of skin. 

Graham McTavish, Dean O’Gorman and Martin Freeman are already on set, talking to Peter Jackson near the far wall. Richard goes to join them, leaving you to speak to Cody. He’s made a triumphant return with Georgia and Rich, both of whom look exhausted. “I sent you to wardrobe to go and check a hair style. What took you so long?” 

“We found Narnia.” Georgia rolls her eyes. 

“Narnia?” you smirk and she mutters something you don’t hear. “Pardon? What was that?” 

“We kinda got lost.” Rich grins sheepishly. 

“ _Lost?_ How did you get _lost_ in _wardrobe_?” You fight back a laugh as the rest of the cast and crew start to filter in after their lunch break. 

“You been in wardrobe recently?” Georgia asks. “They’ve got three time as much stuff as last week and everything’s arranged in a muddle. It’s not Ikea where they funnel you in and around. It’s like a labyrinth in there!” 

You laugh and pat their heads condescendingly. “Poor babies. Get them to give you a map in the future. Better yet, glow in the dark stickers on the floor.”

“You’re hilarious, you know that?” Rich huffs, folding his arms. 

Katherine and Renee enter with a newly refreshed Bombur. They motion you over with a smile. “Ready for lunch?” Katherine asks. “Valter’s promised to save us seats.” 

You nod and follow the two out of the building and towards the cafeteria. You’re joined by the other crew that worked through the usual lunch hour, including Clary from wardrobe. “Two of your flying monkeys got lost in my department just now.” She informs you with a grin as she sets her tray down next to yours. 

“So I’ve heard. How is that even possible?” 

“God only knows. The cast stumble in every morning, usually still asleep, and still get where they’re going. Though in the case of Aiden Turner I think it’s by pure luck. That kids dangerous. Only yesterday did he trip over his own two feet. Thank god Stephen’s body suit is well padded or he’d be black and blue!” 

Katherine pulls a disgruntled expression and you laugh, knowing that the young Irishman would be dead before the sun had fully risen in the sky. 

“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” Renee asks, directing the conversation away from the subject which could end with Aiden being seriously hurt by an angry makeup artist. 

“Filming of the Battle of Azanulbizar. Those not involved are going to start of the goblin cave scene.” Valter replies, barely looking up from his salad. 

“Is that going to work when three of them are missing?” Katherine frowns. “I mean, they’re all pretty much grouped together for that scene.” 

Valter shrugs. “I’m not a director or an editor so I have no idea how that will work.” 

“Movie Magic!” Renee exclaims in false joy. “Are the ‘flying monkeys’ going to take care of the touch-ups then, cause I’ve got a few ideas I’d like to run past you.” 

“I’m sure they’ll do just fine.” You nod. “If you’ll excuse us, we’ll see you all at dawn tomorrow!” 


	4. Chapter 4

The following morning sees you out of your bed at 3AM. Georgia, Renee and you stumble into the makeup trailer before the studio park is even awake. “This is bloody ridiculous!” Georgia grumbles as she grabs her rucksack. Renee nods in agreement, curing Rich and Cody under her breath. The boys weren’t needed on location today, so were allowed to stay and help the extras with their filming. Out of the hundred or so makeup artists only twenty five lucky ones get to stay behind. 

“Who are we pooling with?” Renee asks Georgia, who has the list in her hand. 

“Doesn’t say.” She replies through a yawn. “Just says ‘Four’.” 

The three of you lock the trailer back up, making you way across the studios. The back of the lot is far more busy with articulated lorries and trucks being loaded. Crew are calling things to each other in a variety of different languages, some of which you know and others that you don’t. “Number?” A raggedy man in a green cap rushes over to you, motioning to the sheet of paper Georgia holds in her hand. 

“Four.” 

The man nods, motioning for you to follow him. He leads you to a silver people mover with the number ‘4’ on the windscreen. He holds the door open for the three of you before running to meet more people. The back two seats are already occupied and the two women in them look up with smiles. “Good Morning!” the redhead looks up to meet you with a smile. “Alice Baueris and Michelle Barber.” Alice motions to the brunette next to her. 

“Good to see you again, Georgia.” Michelle smiles at Georgia who returns the gesture as she buckles up. “Georgia and I worked together on the set of Avatar. God, that seems like a lifetime ago!” 

“Who have you got the pleasure of working on?” Georgia asks, leaning against the window. Renee gets landed with the middle seat as she’s the newbie, and you’re left with the other window. You pull the door shut as Alice and Michelle inform you that they’re Ian Mckellen’s makeup artists. 

The driver’s door opens and a young man with messy black hair climbs in, throwing a grin over his shoulder as he does so. “Morning, Ladies!” he grins. “Sean Foot. This is my assistant, Abigail Fray.” 

The brunette getting in the passenger side glowers at him. “He’s _my_ assistant.” She says with a smile. 

“Excuse you, but I worked on the Lord of the Rings trilogy!” 

“As sound effects. I’ve made up Voldemort.” Abigail rolls her eyes before turning back to the others. “Anyway, hello and lovely to meet you. We’re Martin’s makeup artists.” The rest of you introduce yourselves as Sean starts the car. 

“Welcome to Matama!” Sean says a long while later, pulling up alongside the road. You stumble from the car in relief, your legs stiff from hours of sitting in the same position. The green hills of Hobbington are already swarming with cast and crew. Some of the cast are in character, others not. Renee, who’s on wig duty for the week, rushes off to the correct tent to locate Richard. You and Georgia remain behind to help carry some wires over to the right trailer. 

“This place is nice.” Georgia says appreciatively as she dumps the wires. “I want a hobbit hole.” 

“Don’t we all.” The two of you start to make your way over to the tents as the sun pokes its head over the distant hills. It covers everything in a warm glow which makes the place look more like Middle Earth. “Though I’m still not sure why we’re here so early. We’re not filming with the horses until after lunch.” 

You jump as an arm drapes itself over your shoulder. “Oh, get in the mood!” the Irish voice laughs at you. 

“Yeah, we’re the ones trogging round here in armour!” Dean O’Gorman drapes his own arm over Georgia’s shoulder. She raising her eyebrow at him, glancing over at Aidan Turner before back to the blonde next to her. 

“Either of you two going to tell us what the definition of ‘trogging’ is?” 

“He’d tell you if he knew!” Aidan laughs. “There’s a small river about a mile to the East that we’re using today. Did you get that memo?” 

“We’ve been here all of twenty minutes, so no.” you point out. 

Aidan rolls his eyes, removing his arm from your shoulder. “Allow us to escort you two to the correct tent.” 

“You know which tent that is?” 

“Your reputation precedes you.” Dean grins, offering his arm to Georgia. “Richard does occasionally mention you and your ‘flying monkeys’ that get lost in wardrobe.” 

You laugh as you take Aidan’s arm, walking with him to the right tent. “Oh, uncle! We’ve found your ladies!” 

Richard glances over his shoulder, rolling his eyes at his two on-screen nephews. A small smile tugs at his mouth nonetheless as Aidan and Dean duck from the tent after saying goodbye. “That’s was wonderfully unexpected.” Georgia laughs with a shake of her head. “What have you been saying ‘bout us behind our backs?” 

“Nothing horrid, I promise.” Richard laughs. “Neither of you have anything against horses, do you?” he leans forwards and picks up a sheet of paper, waving it in your direction. You take it from him as Georgia locates the correct bag and starts to clean Richard’s face in preparation for the prosthetic application. 

The paper that Richard has handed you informs you that you’ll be spending at least five hours with the horses and will be sleeping on set tonight. “You’ve had riding lessons I presume?” you ask Richard as Georgia starts on his face. 

Richard nods carefully. “I still remember a lot of it from Robin Hood but yes, during our two months of boot camp we got to ride horses.” 

“Didn’t boot camp also involve singing?” Georgia asks with a smile. She and Cody have heard the dwarves singing, but you didn’t get that pleasure. There had been a wardrobe malfunction that day so you’d had to fix it whilst the actors sang to the cameras. 

The cast and crew have lunch in one large tent just outside of Hobbington. There are far more extras on set, the locals in full Hobbit dress. There’s at least twenty seven extras among the expanding cast. The thirteen dwarves sit with the two Bilbos, Gandalf and Frodo. If it wasn’t for the surrounding crew members it would look like a scene from the film. After lunch you head over the hills to a small pasture with the full cast. There’s an arrangement of fifteen horses waiting for you, their own groomers just finishing their manes. Renee and Georgia stay in Hobbington to help with the extras, meaning that you’re left to singlehandedly keep Richard looking like majestic Thorin Oakenshield. 

At least Richard’s horse looks majestic. Her coat is a vibrant copper and her mane the same style as Thorin’s hair; black and streaked with grey. “Don’t be offended if I say that she looks like you.” You grin, patting the horse’s muzzle. 

Richard laughs. “Her name’s Saffron, I believe. And I don’t take offence.” 

“I hope you’re not expecting me to help you up onto her back.” You smirk. “I know how much your costume weighs.” 

“I believe I have a footstool for that, but I could be wrong.” Richard takes Saffron’s reigns and leads her over to the others where they’re being balanced on horseback. Martin is the only one to not be on a horse yet, but he’s getting to know his animal. 

“Crew behind camera!” Peter Jackson calls once the required cast members are on their horses. You and the other crew have to walk a little way through the trees to make sure you’re out of shot. 

The first few takes don’t go to plan. In the first take Ken Scott’s horse decides to wander off in a different direction and its handlers have to chase after it to bring it back. In the second Martin trips over a protruding root and sprawls on the ground unceremoniously. In the third Aidan turns too quickly in his saddle and a crew member has to run forwards to catch him before he hits the floor. The fourth take goes a little better, but not by much. Ken drops the contract Martin hands him and it’s nearly trodden on by a shifting horse. “Well, this is going swimmingly.” You laugh as you touch up Richard’s face. He’s not allowed off the horse so has to balance himself carefully as he leans down so you can reach him. 

“The cons of working with animals. The majority of horses I’ve worked with don’t like to follow orders.” He smirks and you hit the back of his head as he makes you smudge his cheek. “It’s not even noticeable!” he protests, sitting back up and out of range of your next attack. 

“It’s noticeable to me, therefore it needs fixing. Now lean back down or else I’ll cut the saddle straps.” 

The fifth take goes perfectly and Peter calls a wrap for the day. Clouds are starting to gather overhead as the actors dismount and the horses are led away. The cast have to be out of costume and makeup before they can eat dinner and the time delay sees the heavens open and a heavy rain start to fall. “Sleeping shall be fun.” Renee huffs as she zips Thorin’s fur cloak into its plastic bag. Several lorries and trailers have been fitted out for the overnight stay, but some people would be staying the vans and cars they arrived in. Renee, Georgia and yourself will be staying in the makeup tent for the night and packing up in the morning. The actors are spread out across multiple trailers and other vehicles, getting the comfiest sleeping arrangements. As the wind batters the tent you can’t help but envy them. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the long delay, but I've been caught up with education and a new job. 
> 
> To make up for it this chapter is pretty much only interactions between you and a very caring Richard :)

The wind buffeted the tent and the rain lashed against the fabric, making sleeping a difficult task. You get little sleep that night, content to stay awake and listen to the weather. Around four in the morning the wind dies down and the rain lightens from torrential downpour to drizzle. Outside of the tent you can hear people moving around and you decide to join them. The ground isn’t that comfy anyway. 

“Just throw it all in the truck!” Someone calls over the howling wind. “It’s sturdy stuff!” 

“Who’s got the damned gas bottles?” Another person calls. 

There’s only going to be an hour of filming today before the majority of people pack up and head back to the set at lunch. You’ll be among those people but Georgina and Renee will be remaining behind to supply makeup for tomorrow. “You can complain about being in makeup,” a large hand rests itself on your back, “but at least you’re not crew.” 

It’s amazing you can hear Richard over the wind and rain. “You should be out of this weather!” you call to him, twisting to face him. His hand is burning a hole through your clothing it’s so warm. 

Richard shrugs a shoulder. “Surely I could say the same for you?” 

You swat his hand away, half pushing and half steering him towards the buffet tent. “I think you’re more needed in better health than me. You have multiple makeup artists. We don’t have multiple Thorin actors.” 

“Luckily for you.” Richard exclaims cheerfully, dropping onto one of the benches. “Looking forwards to the ride back?” 

“As much as I’m looking forwards to waking up at dawn for the next few hundred days.” You smile sarcastically at him, seating yourself opposite. “Why aren’t you still sleeping? You’ll have managed what, six hours? There’s only so much we can do with the prosthetics you know.” 

“Wind and rain. I bet sleeping in the tent was fun.” 

“I wouldn’t really call it sleeping.” You laugh. Someone sets to polystyrene cups of coffee in front of you, muttering something about the poor weather. 

“I never drank coffee before joining the acting profession.” Richard smirks, sipping at the scalding liquid. “Not sure how I’d get through the days without it.” 

“I hate to suggest it, but maybe by sleeping?” 

Richard laughs. “That could help, I suppose. You’ll need to make the chair much more comfortable if you want me to sleep more though.” 

“That’s thing’s designed to keep you awake! Do you have any idea how hard it is to work on someone who’s all limp and floppy in the chair? It’s like working on the dead!” 

Richard raises his eyebrows. “I don’t even want to know how you know that.” 

“It’s a trying profession.” You grin, wrapping your hands tightly around the cup in attempt to warm your numbing fingers. 

“I miss central heating!” Rene drops herself onto the bench next to you. She looks a little worse for wear with her hair sticking up at odd angles. “And a mattress. This is terrible. I think I’ll become an actress instead.” 

“Quit your whining!” Georgia is stood at end of the bench, hands on her hips. “The two of you need to move your fat asses so that I can sit down!” 

“My ass isn’t fat!” Renee protests. Georgia just rolls her eyes, giving the younger woman a forceful shove. Renee’s elbow slips out from under her, jarring your hands. Unfortunately you’re still holding the cup of coffee and the sudden violent movement sends the liquid spilling over your hands. 

“Watch it!” You yelp, jumping to your feet. The still scalding coffee drips into the space where your knees had been moments before, staining the green grass a muddy brown. You flap your hands in the air, removing the excess liquid but still leaving them covered in a layer of coffee. 

“I’m so sorry!” Georgia exclaims, grabbing your wrists to inspect your hands. “Oh my God, Renee get one of the first aiders!” 

“There’s no need for that!” you protest, wrenching your hands back. “It had milk in it so it’s not like it was boiling. I just need to run it under cold water.” 

“But-” 

“Why don’t you go get a first aider anyway?” Richard suggest, cutting off Georgia’s protests. “I’ll see to it that she gets her hands under running water.” 

“I’ll clean this up then I’ll come and find you.” Renee offers. 

Richard gets to his feet, taking you by your elbow and steering you from the tent. More people are swarming through the site now and very few spare the two of you a second glance. Unfortunately the only source of clean, cool, running water is in the portaloos. “How are your hands?” 

“Stinging but at least I can feel them.” You smile up at Richard as he hurries you through the crowds. “Seriously, I’ll be fine. You don’t have to baby me.” 

Richard shrugs. “It’s fine. Here.” He holds open the door to one of the small spaces. He nudges you inside and you sit down on the closed toilet lid. “At least it’s clean in here. I’ve come across far too many unsanitary ones.” 

“You and me both.” You grimace. 

“If I remember correctly then it’s ten minutes under cold water. Which hand is the worst? There’s only room for one under here.” 

You hand him your left hand and he gingerly takes it in his, holding it under the cold water. Next to his your hands look absolutely tiny. You hadn’t realised just how large his were. “You’ll freeze your own hands.” You note, nodding to the one holding yours. He seems insistent about holding your hand under the tap, meaning that all the water is running off the back of yours and into his palm. The sink is too small to allow anything else. 

“At least mine aren’t burnt.” He smiles. 

You note that the top of his head is brushing against the roof of the portaloo and he looks a little hunched and uncomfortable. “You’re making me feel bad, you know. You really don’t have to look after me. I can take care of myself.” 

“I’m being nice!” Richard laughs. “Just say ‘Thank you’ and go with it!” 

“Thank you.” You roll your eyes. “You’re making me feel like a child – Hey!” 

Richard removed his hand from yours just long enough to flick cold water in your face. “Stop complaining!” 

You huff. “How long’s it been? My hand’s going numb.” 

“About two and a half minutes.” Richard laughs. 

“Seriously?” You groan. “Can I remove it now? It doesn’t hurt anymore.” 

“It will if you remove it.” 

“When did you become an expert on medicine and human care?” You ask, eyeing him sceptically.” 

“Never you mind.” 

The next ten minutes pass in similar fashion; with you insisting that he doesn’t have to help you, Richard telling you to stop complaining and you asking how long it’s been every other minute. Finally, after what seems like an hour, Richard allows you to remove your hand from under the water. “Give me your other one.” 

“Really?” you groan, but hold out your hand regardless. Not long after and someone taps Richard on the back, asking him to step back. 

“Hot coffee?” the first aider who takes his place asks. “You wouldn’t be the first. Let’s have a look at your left.” He takes your hand in his tanned one, dark brown hair falling into equally dark eyes. 

You hold out your hand to him and he checks it quickly, making sure nothing seems to dire. You’re hands a little pink and there’s a small blister above the knuckle of your index finger but there’s nothing else wrong. 

“It’s not as bad as it could’ve been, but I’m still going to wrap it just to make sure it doesn’t get infected.” He lets go of your hand and digs through his bag. He withdraws a roll of thin plastic, unrolling it and discarding the top layer. “This is top quality protection against infection.” He winks. “Also known as clingfilm. Name’s Derek by the way.” 

You smile and give him yours, watching as he wraps the clingfilm around your hand. “Isn’t this overkill?” You ask as he withdraws a bandage and starts wrapping up your hand. 

“Possibly, but it’s either this or leaving it out in the air. You’ll obviously have a little trouble using your hand for the next few days. You heading back to set at lunch?” you nod. “Right. So if I pop in in three days to check on your hand you’ll be there?” You nod and he grins. “Great. I’ll leave your other hand as it’s only a little red. Just try not to pull the skin too much. You might want to let your friends there do all the work for the next day or so.” 

“Thanks.” You smile, withdrawing your hands. 

“No problem. Keep your friends here away from your hot drinks next time.” He winks. “As for you,” he says turning to Richard, “I do believe people are wondering where you’ve gotten to.” 

Richard rolls his eyes. “I’ll see you all in an hour or so. Keep your hand out of the way of hot drinks!” he calls over his shoulder to you as he trots off back towards the buffet tent.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Words cannot explain how sorry I am about the delay. I’ve had work, college, coursework, life and laptop issues knocking me down at every turn, plus a severe case of writer's block. It’s much harder to work with real people because you’ve got to make an extra effort to keep them true to themselves. (At least, that’s what I find) Now that I have The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey-Extended Edition, I should hopefully find it a little easier.

“How’s your hand?” Rich asks close to a week later. 

“Sore.” You admit, flexing the pink skin. It’s hard to tell that it’s been burned when you look at it, but you can certainly _feel_ it “It’s better than it was though. I’ll be pleased when it goes back to normal.” 

“Sorry!” Georgina says automatically, not even bothering to look up from fixing Richard’s face. It’s become her catchphrase over the last week. 

“Stop with the apologising.” You sigh. “It was an accident. If you keep saying you’re sorry I’ll jab you with a paintbrush.” You wield a nearby brush to show that you mean it. 

“Doesn’t mean I’m not sorry.” Georgina mutters, then, in a louder voice; “Want to check this Miss Boss Lady? I think we’re done here.” 

You raise to your feet to inspect Richard’s (now Thorin’s) face, nodding in satisfaction. “Much better. I think you should make this your permanent look.” You grin down at Richard who rolls his eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “You’ll do. Now, up you get. We’re needed in Bag End.” 

The plan is to make touch-ups to the Bag End scene and make it the second finished scene (the first being in the woods where Bilbo joined them). The idea was to be done by the day but everything seems to be working against the cast and crew. Almost everyone overslept, makeup and wardrobe took longer than expected and now it was starting to rain. The rain caused multiple problems, one being that it dampened everyone’s mood. The second problem was that it made the floor slippery and the third problem was that it ruined the prosthetics much quicker. As a result a golf cart is waiting just outside the trailer for you, Richard and Georgina. “Life of luxury, this!” Georgina laughs, scrambling into the eight-seater cart. Don’s already on board with his assistant, Noeline White, and Mark Hadlow. You nod a greeting to them as you jump onto the back of the cart next to Don. “Not like you to bring an assistant.” You comment. 

“Thought it would be nice for her to get more experience. She does most of the work now anyway. Your hand still playing up?” 

“A little. It’s why Georgina’s with me.” 

Don nods, flicking through the diary on his lap. “You get the memo about the meeting tonight?” 

You nod. “Seven thirty in stage K. Got an idea on what it’s going to be about? 

“They’re probably going to be reassigning the groups. It seems a little silly to have four or five people working on one person. The dwarves hardly need that much attention.” 

“It’s the poor sods dressing as Orcs who need the help. Five people on Thorin? Three of us may as well have a lie-in.” 

Don laughed. “Don’t tempt me! You over sleep as well today?” you nod, grinning sheepishly. “Not bad, you know? Filming started a fortnight ago and we’ve been on set for eighteen days. During that time we’ve got our hands covered in glue, gotten caught in a storm, you’ve washed your hands in boiling coffee and now we’ve overslept. We’re gonna get fired soon.” 

“ _A week?_ ” Georgina leans back so her head is sticking between yours and Don’s. “Bilmey, feel like a year!” 

“Just think, another month and a half until two weeks off!” Noeline adds cheerfully. 

“Told you we’re not the only ones counting down.” Richard chuckles, grinning at Mark. 

“Everyone off for Bag End!” the driver of the golf buggy called. “C’mon, shift your lazy asses! I have princes to pick up!” 

The six of you stumble from the buggy and into the stage, only getting a little damp in the process. Richard and Mark are immediately ushered off to the sides to do ‘actor stuff’ and you’re left to group with the other make-up artists. There’s a low hum of grumbling coming from the group of fifteen, people trying to fix their own hair and makeup after a quick walk in the rain. 

“So much easier on other people.” one person muttered. 

“Maybe it would be better if we could take off our heads or rotate them all the way around.” a second suggests. 

“Decapitate you? That can be arranged!” Noeline slips away to join the muttering group. There was a general displeasure over the weather, with everyone present grumbling about the fact that they were soaked to the bone. 

“Don’t see what the problem is.” Dom comments. “We’re not the ones running around in dwarf costumes.” 

“People do like to moan.” you smiled 

“I hear Glenn Boswell and Tim Wong can tell you a bit about the cast moaning.” Dom grins. “THey had six weeks of it.” 

Glenn Boswell and Tim Wong are the main stunt coordinators on set. January through February they were responsible for training the thirteen the dwarves. They even had four weeks of Martin Freeman and the scale doubles to deal with. “They’re going to have to go through it again soon.” 

“Ah, touch up training. Think I’m going to try and get a pass into that. Apparently it’s quite entertaining. 

“Not what I’ve heard from Richard.” 

“Biased review.” Dom smirks, falling silent as the lights over your head dim. “Showtime.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to ask of you all a favour though: now that I have the extended edition all of the behind the scenes stuff really makes it easier to see how things go. I’d like to know what you think of me scrapping this story and following the 9 hours of footage from the official first day on set to the final filming. Would that be better than this?


End file.
